| Stuzio | Hi Mr. Johnny. We understand that you do not like cyclists |
| Johnny | I hate them. I just hate them. |
| Stuzio | What is it about cyclists that you hate them so much? |
| Johnny | For one, they are always in my way. When I'm driving on the road, these morons clog up the road and I have to go way around them. Just pisses me off. Road is for cars not bicycles. |
| Stuzio | Did you know that bicycles have right to use the roads? |
| Johnny | Yeah right. When you are wearing speedo going 5 mph getting in my way, you have no right to use my road. Get off the road and get out of my way. |
| Stuzio | You mean lycra. |
| Johnny | What did you call me? |
| Stuzio | Never mind. So, what do you do when you encounter cyclists on the road? |
| Johnny | Oh, I try to scare the crap out of them. I speed up my truck and brush by them. I honk when I am right behind them and stuff. |
| Stuzio | Don't you think that's dangerous? |
| Johnny | I used to yell at them and try to tell them to get off the road, but they don't seem to listen. They are deaf or something. I even stopped my truck few times and cursed them but they just ignore me. So, I don't bother. Occasionally, I still let them have it. |
| Stuzio | Have you ever talked to a cyclist? |
| Johnny | Oh yeah, this one time, one of them thought he was tough and flipped me off. He even motioned me to stop. He's lucky I didn't stop because I would have messed him up good. |
| Stuzio | How did you start hating cyclist so much? |
| Johnny | Well, when I was younger, we lived in a rural farm area with lots of small county roads.
Every Wednesday, there was a group of them speedos on the road.
At first, I thought it was just weird and went around them. Weeks went by and I noticed them speedos
never move over for my truck on my road. I started honking at them but they still wouldn't get off the road. I was stuck behind them and had to go way around.
Eventually, I yelled at them and tried to scare them off the road, but they kept coming back. What are they stupid or something? |
| Stuzio | Were there a lot of traffic on those county roads? |
| Johnny | Hell no, there ain't no cars out there. Just few farmers driving by and occasional tractors. |
| Stuzio | Hm… so then what happened? |
| Johnny | So then they use to ride right by our farm. So I would open the gates and let the dogs free. My boys would go crazy and run out at them barking. You should see them speedos all start sprinting like their butt's on fire. It's so hilarious. |
| Stuzio | What's the worst you've done with cyclists? |
| Johnny | So one day, a buddy of mine and me drove in front of them.
I popped the moon roof and stood up facing them while my buddy was driving the car about 25 yards in front of them.
I started to cuss them out. They though it was funny or something and started to wave at me like bunch of bobble heads.
So, I decided to throw beer bottles at them. I launched about a dozen bottles which broke just in front of them. That was so funny.
It was like, "bombs away…". I was hoping they would crash or something. |
| Stuzio | Wow, that sounds dangerous. |
| Johnny | I have some more tricks too. Now days, I Just drive by them really close at high speed and honk right
when I'm next to them. They get so scared and start shaking their fist at me and stuff. It's so funny to see them speedos all rattled up.
I do it even when they are riding on the shoulder. I drive into the shoulders a bit and do it. It works real good when they are riding alone.
Then I flip them off just to let them know what I think about them morons. |
| Stuzio | What do you think about Lance Armstrong? |
| Johnny | Who? You mean the astronaut? |
| Stuzio | No, the cyclist who won 7 Tour de France, cancer survivor, Livestrong yellow wrist band guy. |
| Johnny | Oh yeah, I've seen them yellow bands. Is he a speedo too? If he's riding a bicycle on my road, then I hate him too. Let me tell you straight. Bicycle is for kids to ride at a park. A grown man wearing silly speedo on a bicycle riding on the road is simply stupid. Just plain stupid. The road is for cars and trucks, not bicycle. I don't know why these speedos don't get it. |
| Stuzio | Don't you consider cycling as a sport? It is part of the Olympics and cycling is some of the biggest sporting event in the world. |
| Johnny | Did you say sport? You're kidding me right? Any jack can ride a bicycle.
That's not a sport. Besides, I heard they are bunch of dopers. I consider my Thursday night bowling league more of a sport than bicycle.
You want to talk about real sports, try football or noodling. Now that's sport. |
| Stuzio | Did you know that there are thousands of people who get hurt or die each year while riding due to ignorant and reckless drivers? |
| Johnny | Well then, that should teach them speedos to get off the road right? How stupid can they be? |
| Stuzio | Are you angry about something from your childhood? |
| Johnny | Are you messing with me? Do you want to meet my pit bulls? |
| Stuzio | No, just kidding. Thanks for your time. |
| Johnny | No problem. Do you want some beer to go? I got some cold ones out the back… |